As a kid i always admired adults for their independence, their confidence and their freedom to make their choices. I always wanted to grow up so that i could buy that expensive book from the stationary shop, those pretty boots from the shoe shop and most of all avoid all the functions that I did not want to attend by making an excuse of ‘I have a lot of work in office’. Is this what adulting is?
While all this did excite me, now that i have become an adult myself, I realise adulting is much more than freedom, independence and shopping. It is also about ‘Not giving a fuck’. While some adults might agree with me, most still might be living their childhood teaching of ‘be good to everyone’.
What adulting teaches you:
I am 30, and while adulting for me means taking control of my happy life and avoiding unnecessary drama from my life, it can mean too much work, office, marriage, and kids for many others. Well, I am listing down my version of adulting.
a. Enjoying nothing:
As a kid, we are taught to stay busy and work on ourselves. So from the morning when we step off bed to night when we go back to bed, our time is jam-packed with school, tuition, dance class, homework, music class, and whatnot. At night we went to bed fully tired and in no mood of staying up even a second more.
As an adult, you learn the importance of doing nothing. I crave for some time every day when I can just sit and stare at a blank canvas. Unlike before I do not feel guilty about not doing anything, instead, I think that is the time when I am most productive. That is the time when I get ideas for my blog and think about the books I have read, my day, what to do next and everything that happened to me. So, as an adult, I have learned to enjoy nothing.
b. Not caring:
As a kid i took each step thinking about my parents, my family, the society. What would people think of me? I was too scared to write anything, to talk to people about what I felt, for that reason I was also too afraid to talk to a guy in public, thinking people would think I am not from a good family.
Now, I do not give a damn! I fought with my parents for 2 years, married a guy I loved, and switched my career completely and the last thing on my mind was, what will people think? Till today I do what i feel like, I do not meet people I don’t want to, do not allow people to just randomly walk into my house without informing and much more. My parents and family believe that I have changed and become too selfish, but maybe that is what adulting for me is. As an adult, I have learned to become selfish and think of just myself.
c. Ignoring people
As a kid, you lived with your parents and in my case, my parents are the perfect host. They love having guests over, feeding them, and going around with me and I always felt most guests are just a pack of nuisances rolling around making our lives fragile.
As an adult, I have my own house, I live with my partner, and we both love our quiet home. So, I do not like entertaining people. So I do not go to their house, nor invite anyone over. I believe in meeting people outside our space. This helps me in walking off whenever I want to, exploring new places, and entertaining myself with surroundings if the conversations are not worthy enough. So, as an adult, I have learned to preserve my surrounding.
d. Saying no!
As a kid, we were taught to never say no. No was a bad word, and no matter how busy you are, you could not say to meet people, help people or any other thing.
As an adult, you realise the power of saying no and the happiness that it brings. I cannot remember the number of times I have said no to people. I have realised that saying no is a powerful weapon that helps you in avoiding unnecessary chatter and get rid of negative elements of society. In the words of Mark Manson, if it’s not a ‘fuck yes’, it’s a no. So, as an adult, I have learned to take care good of my brain and my thoughts.
e. Carry no baggage
We all have a past, good, and bad both and in that past, we meet a lot of people, some stay with us and some we leave behind. While there are people who try to stick together, adulting has taught me what a mistake it is. I do not like to carry baggage with me. I have had a lot of friends in the past, who at that particular point of time were so dear to me. But with time things change, you realise
Some of them are just competing with you.
Others are pulling your confidence down.
While some are too stuck in the past.
Others have different future goals from you.
f. Prioritize yourself
As a kid i was taught it was wrong to say I, it shows you are selfish and only think about yourself. So i turned up to be someone who started thinking about us, and soon it changed to just you. I stop prioritizing myself. I would compliment everyone around me, when it came to myself i was harsh and rude.
As an adult ‘I’ became my priority. I started falling in love with myself and realised that being selfish is not wrong, but difficult. It is difficult to view yourself in the highest regard and no matter what others around you say, staying positive about yourself ensures your happiness.
So, while adulting may mean different to different people, to me it meant shattering societal norms and reinventing myself to be the person I wanted to be and not what my parents looked for in a daughter. While it took my parents some time to accept that their goody-good daughter had learnt how to say no, was goignto marry someone of her choice, and with time they made peace with it.
Some but with time you realise that some of them pull you down. some of them